I walked into his expansive palace cos there is nothing else to call that thing I entered
The last time I entered a Palace that magnificent and looking like the Versailles palace was Otunba Subomi Balogun’s own when I went to greet his sons after his passing
This one was elegant, exquisite and superbly put together
The baba now walked stylishly down the gold-rimmed stairs with shakara
He was doing shakara for me na, me the hustler at near the age he had retired
He walked very slowly and majestically towards me, knowing full well that I was jealous of him
He was doing me – he dey pain you- as he picked one of the over twelve comfy settees in the expansive living room to sit
He sat, crossed his legs, and exposed one very expensive-looking half slipper and smiled a smile that said, come and beat me
As I sat there, looking at this baba, jealousy wanted to kill me
I have been retired for over 20 years, Edgar, and I will be doing 82 years this December , he said to me with that smile again
Kai, that smile was paining me cos it was sending messages of reality
Baba has achieved so much by the time he had retired; he had built the biggest, most influential Marketing communications firm in Africa and this was close to my present age
Edgar, you have not gone to the campus!?
We call it campus cos there are 7 companies there with over 200 staff
Let’s go there tomorrow, he said. Look, this baba o, I said to myself, I should follow you, a billionaire retiree, to go and look at buildings and count staff when I have a book to sell?
I said No ooo, I am going to Abeokuta I said, and that his smile came again
That smile na hin dey pain me pass. Cos the smile was mocking me as I was sweating, counting books, and saying – Sir, where can I drop them
Baba Shobanjo makes me feel like I’ve not started, and at an age where he had notified his retirement, I really feel like a slow coach beside him, and that is why I don’t like him
The man fine, sabi dress, brilliant, get respect and much more; like God really took his time to create him and give him all the blessings
The more he talked, the more impatient I was to leave to go and sell books so that at least I could buy the shoes he was wearing
One of the things he used to use to yab me is my failure to gain employment at his Insight, and when he reads any of my articles, he would say – I am happy we did not employ you, and it will pain me
How do I fight back? How will I yab this Ijebu man without him bringing out cow horn and pouring incantation on me and killing my erection
Caricature. Yes, caricature is my way of fighting back
Shebi he is always laughing at me, calling me Shomolu boy and threatening to ask Mudi to bring boys to come and beat me – that Mudi, that cannot fight to save his life
So I draw the Baba with a very big head, skinny legs, kwashiokor tummy, multi coloured bow tie and torn shoes and send it to him
He, in return, will yab me again – don’t worry, my boys will soon catch you and beat you
As I stand up to leave, I realise one more time that I have something on him
I am taller than him. YES, I am taller than him and can look down at his bald head with pride and say, ‘Chief, how is the weather down there
As we walk towards the door, his handsome son walks in with his beautiful wife, and he makes introductions – I already know the son who is a big shot at the NGX
He sees me off to my car, messing up my plans of removing the hubcap of his Rolls Royce and throwing it away in the Lagoon as my own small revenge for his huge success at my age as against my current state
Ohh, why didn’t you pack inside? He queried, and I said, ohh, doesn’t matter – this baba want me to use my Tokunbo car that is draining oil to come and use that one and stain his floor so he will make me go on my knees and scrub so he can smile that his – I better pass you smile at me again
As he walked away, I started reeling in my mind once again all the reasons I don’t like him – he fine pass me, he get money pass me, he don retire at my age, he don make him mark on global advertising, he don go Paris, and me never go, and he buy four copies of my book – me no fit afford am
I just shake my head and say, God, next time make me come back like Biodun Shobanjo; if not, leave am
I no just like that man
Come and beat me
Duke of Shomolu
Last modified: October 15, 2026
