When u keep the kind of dreads that I keep, you spend good money to keep them from smelling
So the lush Salon nestled within the sweet ambience of the Radisson Blu Hotel in VI is usually my place of comfort once every two weeks
As you can imagine, the place is mighty expensive as a shave can set you back N15k, and a complete hair wash can be hitting N30k if you are not careful
So u can imagine the kinds of clientele they pull in with those kinds of services
Let me say that I have washed my hair beside Bank MDs, done my pedicures beside top politicians and have gone in for a massage immediately after a big global celebrity
Now with these kinds of facilities comes the downside, and I will gist u
So I walked in to trim my dreads. Wasn’t in the mood for a wash, and I sat on my favourite seat
As you can imagine, the place attracts Caucasians, Lebanese and other such types
There was a Lebanese directly opposite me, and to her left was a dark Nigerian girl who kept staring at me
Her hair was being done opposite me and to my right, and she was dark in complexion with average-sized breasts, but with hips that were spilling out of the chair
But she kept staring, and I kept wondering why she was staring.
Then she stood up to go and wash her hair, and I now saw one of the great wonders of the world
Her backside was the biggest I have seen in my career.
It was vast and humongous, and she wore tight black jogging pants that went all up to her neck but left the back exposed straight to her huge buttocks
As she walked, we all could hear the rumblings as the big ass cheeks swayed in rhythm to a silent homily only she could hear
As she sat on the chair and pushed her head backwards into the wash basin, she opened her legs, and you could see very clearly what they call her camel toe
It was at this point that it dawned on me that this lady was on a mission
Early on in my career, I would have saved her the hard work and jumped in
But in my mid-50s, I no longer splurge cos it could cost you ur life, so I just sat there in amusement as she continued to entertain me
Then she stood up and came to sit directly opposite me, as the Lebanese lady had left
By this time, she is staring really hard and not doing anything to hide the fact
My barber now whispered, ‘Oga, this woman don dey look you since, be like say she know you’
So I said hello. Am I the one staring, or are you the one staring?
And she laughed and looked away.
Then my barber said, ‘Oga na dt man wey dey do pedicure bring am oo’
Aghhh, she was with another man, and she was staring at me?
Granted, I was better looking than her man, but that shouldn’t now make her want to be openly flirting with me, na
So I asked her if that was her husband, and she said no, and I said Where are u from and she said Akwa Ibom and I opened my mouth
Then I got more curious. It was now very obvious that this was a working girl, what we call a runs girl, and that man was certainly her pimp
I got more excited as I wanted to know more about her and her trade
I said, ‘Give me your number,’ and she wrote it down on a piece of paper, and I said, ‘Thank you.’
The next day, I sent her a chat
Hi, it’s dreadlocks from Radison Blu, and she said aghh ette – ette in Ibibio means daddy
And I went straight to the point – how does this work?
Last time I patronised a prostitute was in secondary school, and that time, it was not digital as you had to physically go into the brothel, pick from the line up, pay your money, hump and go
These days it’s virtual. You go to an app, click, pay, and a coochie is delivered
So I wanted to know her modus operandi, and she answered
Ette its N250, 000 she said
Oh, you want to rent a house? I genuinely asked, and she said no, for a round
I said what? One round of less than 5minutes? N250k?
That’s two people’s monthly salary na
And I said N100k, which, in my mind’s eye, was still preposterous, and she said it’s N250k, last.
I said no deal. There is no way in this world that I would spend that kind of money on a couchie
I blocked her and started making some more enquiries from the stakeholders community, and what I heard was astounding
She was even cheaper, they told me, some collect as high as N1m, I heard
No wonder Tinubu wants to tax them.
Mbok abasi, so this girl will just open her legs and make N250k in five minutes, something that will take me hours of writing proposals, make countless phone calls to justify my request, before they will come and pity me and give me N250k, is what this girl will make in a twinkle of an eye.
Life is truly unfair, I tell you, and it’s no wonder that the pull among our womenfolk to join this multi-trillion Naira industry remains compelling
Now, what kind of man would pay that kind of sum for a moment’s pleasure
I would think it’s a man lacking in self-esteem and confidence, cos why would I pay that much when I can talk myself into getting a sustainable one
And what kind of woman would open her legs for that amount – any amount, for that matter. I guess it’s that woman who is also lacking in self-esteem, with no self-respect for her virtue and womanhood
Well, the girl had missed in her profiling cos she saw a good-looking, relatively well-to-do, middle-aged man and targeted him, but missed.
I wish her and her customers luck. I’d instead give a widow the N250k and wank instead of giving it to a big bottom vixen who would rather sell herself instead of doing something more tangible with her life and big yansh
Come and beat me
Duke of Shomolu
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