I watched this well-heralded fight with boredom cos I already knew how it would end.
Of course Portable would beat the living daylight out of Akpi and he didn’t disappoint me as he pounded the loudmouthed Igbo boy like stubbornly pounded yam
Kudos to Akpi however for taking the beating like a man and for that, I respect him
Portable was obviously the fittest, with his trim frame powerful physique and lithe movement in the ring
Akpi, on the other hand, looked like an over-fed oaf. Big tummy and was not looking fit at all. He looked like he had just had a full round of beer before climbing into the ring and for his unpreparedness received the full beating that would last him a lifetime
His saving grace was the gloves cos if it was a bare-knuckle encounter, Akpi would be needing face reconstruction
Yes, the beating was that bad as Portable took the fight to him.
He pummeled him the way professional boxers hit punching bags with no recourse to pity and Akpi having nowhere to run to, resorted to holding, pushing and flaying his fists everywhere with the hope that one blow would hit Portable by mistake and Amala would fall out of the mouth of that one in a faint
Unluckily, nothing like that happened and all the money in Obi Cubana’s vault could not save his brother Akpi from merciless beating.
Portable has beaten black and blue two Igbo boys now.
The first is the equally loudmouthed and loquacious funny man Jay Z of Onitcha, the great Charles Okocha.
Charles didn’t even have a prayer as the fight was quickly stopped before his hypeman would now lose his source of livelihood
Now you will ask me why I say these fights are to Portable’s advantage and the Igbo boys’ disadvantage
The average propensity of a Yoruba man in a fight is boxing while that of the Igbo is wrestling
This is why in every bus top or slum in Yorubaland, from the agbero to Obafemi Awolowo, once there is a call for a fight, they jump up and subconsciously use their hands to cover their face and start throwing jabs into the air and be saying-emi, emi, ko ni da fu e
They love boxing and one can say that is their main calling.
Growing up in Shomolu, almost every street had an alagbara and that alagbara could scatter your face with blows
Emiiiiiiiii, he will shout, jumping and running all over the place and tearing his shirt with all of his people egging him on
After running up and down, he will now descend on you with blows and would only resort to bottles and sticks when the punches have failed him.
But the Igbo man is a natural wrestler apart from the Onitsha breed who are very tall and handsome, the rest are stout, barrel-chested with flared nostrils and a visage of an armoured tank and that is why other tribes call them – Okoro or Okoro bi no ko as the late Chief Eleyinmi of the now rested Village Headmaster use to call his Igbo colleague.
For the Igbo man, wrestling is his calling. A call to a fight sees him immediately squatting seeking to lift you from the ground and fall you on the floor like Chinua Achebes Amalinze the cat
It is this proficiency in wrestling that the great Novelist celebrated in his book Things Fall Apart and it was Okonkwo’s defeat of Amalinze that gave him his initial prominence in Umuofia
The Igbo man loves his wrestling. He is gruff, mean and huge. His thighs are thick set and he is built to hold down weight and withstand gravity
A fight between an Igbo trader and a Yoruba agbero in Idumota is usually fun to watch
The Yoruba boy in Mohammed Ali’s stance is prancing like a butterfly, jumping here and there, testing his jabs in the air and muttering in Yoruba – mama eh. Ma pa baba ehn. Omo kobokobo, awon Aje okuta ma mo mi
The Igbo lad, on the other hand, is transfixed to his position. Squat with arms wide open. Bidding his time and waiting for the opportunity to move on and lift the Yoruba boy from the ground to the air and from there crash him on the floor and finish him up with a mean headlock
The Yoruba boy knowing that, doesn’t come near the Igbo boy but punches him in the head aiming to disorientate him
But the Igbo boy filled with Akpu will never go down to the Yoruba boys’ jabs and punches.
He will wait for that one to tire himself out and then swiftly grabs his neck in a tight hemlock, leaving the Yoruba boy to scream – eba mi mu da ni ooo, omo yigbo fe kpa mi
At that point, the Yorubas will now rush to their weapons of last resort – bottles and sticks, of which the Igbos will retaliate like Asterix and Obelix, destroying the Gauls with body hugs and other wrestling tactics, including also their own weapons of choice.
So asking Igbo boys to come and fight a Yoruba Portable in boxing is like taking the Super Eagles to go play a football Match against the Eskimos in the North Pole; they will be beaten silly.
Yorubas are boxing geniuses. It is in their DNA and even though they have not produced boxing champions in a while, they still represent the country in the sport much more than any other tribe
Every Yoruba boy is a naturally gifted boxer whether he can beat you or not, his natural stance in a fight is the boxing stance
If you think, I’m lying just tap the nearest Yoruba guy and see his reflex, it is the Mohammed Ali stance
So as long as it’s in a ring, Portable will beat almost anything the Igbo throws at him. If they like they should throw Peter Obi into the ring, its the same beating
Likewise, if you throw Shina Peters into a wrestling ring, the average Igbo man will beat almost anything the Yoruba will throw at them.
So you see why I was not surprised that Portable beat the sperm out of his opponent who looked like a used condom after the fight.
He will now need bottles of baby oil to press down all the swellings on his face after such a massive and humiliating pummelling
Na wa
Duke of Shomolu