You know how you grow respecting and deifying a personality, and you now finally get to meet the person and end up finding out that what you are confronted with is nothing but cold fufu
That was my painful realisation, the moment the ogre moved against me and tried to physically attack me
He had been sending those signals, and I would brush it off cos why would an over-70-year-old washed-up artist even think of physically assaulting a 56-year-old orphan whose only offence was to offer to write his memoirs
He had warned me in his house when I came late for our appointment.
All my entries that the ride from Yaba to Ajah was fraught with all of that, and as such, a 30-minute lateness was not an issue
Moreover, he had made it a point to come hours late for his own appointment, cross his legs, and smoke all without any apology
My 10 minutes lateness will come wth his Miss Piggy PA ranting on the phone, his waltzing down his staircase like an Emperor and saying to me – I’ll beat you one day, and nothing will happen
Well, that day came. We had a 10am meeting. I was running late and called him
Lord, can we shift to 10.30? He said, ‘Okay, bring the food on.’
I arrived at 10:15 and met a wooden look. What’s going on with this one, I asked myself.
I ignored and ushered them in, and work started. He was silent all through. I could tell he was struggling to contain his puny temper
As I spoke, I heard a loud bang on the table and a growl like a bear with gonorhea, and the next thing I saw was an igbo tyrant lurching towards me, eyes red, fist folded in an attempt to attack me
My Shomolu instincts kicked in. I jumped from my seat, shouting – Are you crazy? Are you mad? You want to beat me?
He stopped midfligt. That is the issue with bullies – the moment you push back, they melt into a slippery jelly and go limp like his old, overused penis.
He scurries back into his chair with fear in his eyes, leaving my adrenaline-charged body still screaming – are you crazy?
We are both summoned, and his female alter ego appears, and he speaks in such a low tone that you would not believe it was the same sabre-rattling hooter I just encountered a few minutes ago
He will still beat me, except he stops poking me
What is it? You have my 62,000 words. I say I don’t want the balance. Why is Ms Piggy still calling around looking for my Ogas’ address
He should tell me where to meet him, and I’ll come and lie on the floor for him to bring out his uncircumcised dick and piss on me
Then I will now accept that yes, he is truly my FADA
Rubbish
Duke of Shomolu